is it really you?

I'll just pretend.

and I will never have peace without you.

each day feels like the last day of my life. each day since august has felt like a nightmare.

this does not feel "real", whatever that is. I don't know anymore.

if anything, I do know for certain, I'm more in love with you now than I've ever been before.

I'm sorry. I don't have control of my feelings, in fact, they have control of me.

so much has happened. and I didn't expect things to go this way. I don't know what I expected. I thought you loved me.

after you deleted the playlist, and blocked me everywhere...I mean, it's been nine months. I guess I didn't think it would be so easy for you to forget me. 

for florida: the panther in the trees

 there is a rustle in the air

like curtains being drawn on a still morning

a small white ribbon of ibis

scatter through overgrown cypress

mossy stones crowd brackish water

with silver fish that dart around ancient

lily pad leaves turtles bask in late afternoon sun

and all around life is humming

as locusts chant their urgent melody

there is a slight balmy breeze that carries

a familiar scent a message for the creatures in this scene

the florida panther our queen is on the prowl

and she is very hungry

for florida: seeking & all the waves

 we seek shelter under heaven's embrace

a quest for survival as the sky offers us rain

we walk upon soil filled with nourishment

a questionable hunger as the earth sustains

cathedral crests line charcoal skies

on each wave an extension

of thought, word, intention

strumming over peaks and valleys

each wave carves a destination

ripples of sound carry across

in shallow waters we float alone

the depths we journey to fortitude

a connection to the currents

through a transparent bond

each wave creates a promise

gathering strength to carry us home

tennessee

the warm comforting

smell of aloe in the summertime

her warm comforted embrace

made me feel at peace

she often visited exotic places

to return to a sanctuary of her own

an artisan in the kitchen creating

joy with old fashioned treats

the brightest eyes, the kindest heart

I've ever known your love

a sacred souvenir I've held on

to through the years

lillian allison west (whiteside)

1918-2009

I wish my life was a wes anderson film

 

each morning an aesthetic pastel sky waits to behold

an innocent perspective with nostalgic attention to detail

in my playfully scripted retro romance I stroll through surreal

geometric panels and intricate bold patterns in a dreamworld

where each thought holds the possibility of a poignant epiphany

I am the underdog dressed as a heroine in every scene

surrounded by adoring fans and a consistent color scheme

I wish my life was an endearing cinematic masterpiece

with a clever montage that includes all my favorite outtakes

kin

" When you meet kin, there is an energy and sparkle between your bodies. It must be chemical somehow - DNA and genes." 
—Liv Tyler

 these days what I miss most

is the comfort of a phone call.
a warm, friendly voice at the other end.
I miss the excitement & joy
of receiving a card or letter in the mail.
the weight of the envelope in my hand
as I carry it inside, gazing intently
at a handwritten note.
I'm missing the connection.
the honesty of intention.
these days, what I miss the most is kinship.

undiluted happiness (for lilli)

I cherish these walks

in the rain with my daughter

our realm is painted softer

by watercolor brushstrokes

in this scene of tranquility

we notice little things

often overlooked

a filigree flash of dragonfly wing,

crystal jewels beaded on grass blades

and a small brown rabbit pausing

for an afternoon snack

we soak it all in, eager to be part

of this humbling respite,

a genuine need for harmony